When we’re introduced to Virginia Deluca in ” If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets” the author explains there was a time she was so blissfully in love, making-love in an elevator in Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts seemed like a risk worth taking. When Perry’s warmth teased her old body into a new sexiness, even her hair began to bounce. There were no taboos.
Liberated by an uncomplicated relationship with a man she trusted, her state-of-mind left her blind to problems she was accustomed to seeing as a psychotherapist. With pen and paper it was routine for Virginia to map life’s patterns then address problems with candid conversations.
The cadence of this coming-of-age memoir is captivating. Emotionally charged grey-matters ricochet throughout the page-turner. Suspense challenges readers to maintain their equilibrium after Virginia reveals, how but not why, her husband Perry torched their plan of adulting-happily-ever-after-together-forever.
We fall-in-love and off-a-cliff with 61 year old Virginia while examining the rocky road between love-making, risk-taking and growth in mid-life.
Psychologically nimble this intimate memoir is candid and more nuanced than a personal journal. Virginia’s experiences mirror the commonality of our human condition. Trust, betrayal, confusion, shame, reconciliation and resilience landmark milestones of her journey, like the journey of all who have taken a risk on falling in love.
Even though we’re not sure of the destination, Deluca’s memoir makes this emotional roadmap as easy to read as a GPS.
Chatting with the author about the process of writing “If You Must Go”, she stepped back from her feelings to snapshot the experience as a psychotherapist, “From a clinical perspective, Perry’s affable profile and unwillingness to discuss problems are masks that define a narcissist’s life, but she added, we’re all multi-faceted beings.”
Virginia made it clear taking the risk to embrace a mid-life love was both exhilarating and painful. “It’s human nature to fall in love and dismiss the risk of a crash-landing.”
At 72, Virginia Deluca is thriving. She sees her relationship with Perry was a risk worth taking. Ultimately, it was an incubator that developed her next-self. Discovering iterations of this newborn woman is, for her, a frontier filled with potential for growth and new passions.
Virginia Deluca, writer, psychotherapist lives in Boston. Author of the award winning novel “If Women Mattered” . Her essays have appeared in the Iowa Review, The Writer, and Huffington Post.
When we ended our gab the author planned to spend the remainder of a perfect springy day in her garden. Temporarily trading her pen for a trowel the therapist intended to nurture thoughts on life-affirming lessons of grief. Digging into the subject she’s found the topic buried in taboos.
Like her garden, Virginia’s exploration of herself and grief are taboo-free works in progress.
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